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Poll about Jewish mothers - Input Junkie
October 9th, 2013
10:19 am

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Poll about Jewish mothers
I realize that who's a Jew is a vexed question. For purposes of this discussion, anyone who identifies strongly as a Jew counts. This discussion might mostly be about Ashkenazi Jews (eastern European descent)-- if that affects your answer, please comment.

And comments are also welcome if your situation was too complex for this poll to do it justice.

If you take some version of this poll to another venue, could you let me know? I'm interested in having a larger sample base.

Poll #1937991 Jewish mothers and

If your mother was Jewish, did she use guilt as a major motivator?

Yes
3(10.3%)
No
12(41.4%)
I want to complain about this poll
0(0.0%)
I just want to see the results
14(48.3%)

If your mother was not Jewish, did she use guilt as a major motivator?

Yes
10(35.7%)
No
9(32.1%)
I want to complain about this poll
1(3.6%)
I just want to see the results
8(28.6%)

Of the Jewish mothers you've known well, what proportion used guilt as a major motivator

None, or almost none
10(34.5%)
About a quarter
3(10.3%)
About half
7(24.1%)
About three quarters
0(0.0%)
Approximately all of them
3(10.3%)
I want to complain about this poll
6(20.7%)

Of the non-Jewish mothers you've known well, what proportion used guilt as a major motivator

None, or almost none
7(23.3%)
About a quarter
10(33.3%)
About half
6(20.0%)
About thee quarters
1(3.3%)
Approximately all of them
3(10.0%)
I want to complain about this poll
3(10.0%)

(6 comments | Leave a comment)

Comments
 
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From:ice_hesitant
Date:October 9th, 2013 03:00 pm (UTC)
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My mother's Russian. She primarily leverages shame (feeling bad for having failed others) rather than guilt (feeling bad for having failed oneself).
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From:erratio
Date:October 10th, 2013 12:49 am (UTC)
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er, do you perhaps have that the wrong way around? I would have said that guilt is about having failed others
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From:crystalpyramid
Date:October 10th, 2013 09:32 am (UTC)
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is using the distinction I've heard the most in professional discussions. E.g. Japan has a shame-based culture (you don't want to let others down, everyone collaborates), Catholicism tends to be very guilt-based, much more internal and individual.
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From:batdina
Date:October 9th, 2013 03:08 pm (UTC)
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I'm Ashkenazi Jewish to the nth degree (eight Russian Jewish great-grandparents), raised by my grandmother. Unlike my mother, who was just a bitch, my grandmother was a master manipulator. but she was so obvious about it by the time I was an adult that it had little or no impact on me. OTOH, my father (her son) used to let me deal with her because apparently she was a typical Jewish mother to him.
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From:andrewducker
Date:October 9th, 2013 04:25 pm (UTC)
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My mother didn't leverage guilt on me, but frequently uses the "Oh, it's fine, you don't need to know _my_ opinion" form of extreme surrender in order to get her way.
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From:gwendally
Date:October 9th, 2013 06:44 pm (UTC)
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My mother is passive aggressive only when she's not being outright aggressive.

Guilt isn't the right word for what she does. It's more like relentless cruel love.

Edited at 2013-10-09 06:44 pm (UTC)
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