My family was subtly off. I don't think a sociologist would find anything to complain about--physically and economically secure and stable, no overt abuse, or at least nothing that any adult within range seemed to notice, and nothing that my brother, sister, and I can put a finger on that explains the aftereffects. However, all three of us kids have serious problems with self-esteem/inertia/depression and have spent untold hours trying to figure out what was wrong. At least in my case, I think it was decades before that wasn't the primary topic every time I talked with my brother or sister.
Last night, my sister mentioned the reasonable idea that it isn't a solvable problem, and the best thing is to figure out how to move on. While I've made a large dent in some of the aftereffects of my upbringing, I can't say that a lot is solved.
I'm quite interested in what anyone who's reading this has done that's worked to get over the effects of an abusive upbringing. I'm interested in any stories about getting past overt abuse as well as the subtle stuff. And about finding out that you're more like your parents than you hoped, and dealing with *that*.
If anyone wants to comment anonymously, that's fine with me. (I'll be deleting anything I consider trolling, of course. If you think people should be over their issues with their parents by the time they're 25, it's your problem, not mine.) If you'd rather email me, I'm nancy
One more thing--if you take this to your own lj or blog, could you let me know? As you may gather, I'm interested in whatever further thoughts can be gathered.