I've been finding that self-hatred isn't just that it sounds bad ("no one talks to a friend of mine like that!"), it's actively debilitating. And yes, demands of oneself to have never made a mistake is a sort of self-hatred.
Compassion and Self-Hate is a very good book. The very short version is that self-hatred is a semi-autonomous process which can be addressed as a problem in itself, and compassion is the way out.
Link thanks to Farrell McGovern.
This entry was posted at http://nancylebov.dreamwidth.org/504212.html. Comments are welcome here or there. comments so far on that entry.