nancylebov (nancylebov) wrote,
nancylebov
nancylebov

Don't hassle people for doing what you want

https://olofahere.tumblr.com/search/do%20not%20punish

*****

DO NOT PUNISH THE BEHAVIOR YOU WANT TO SEE

I mean, it seems pretty obvious when you put it like that.

But how many families, when an introvert sibling or child makes an effort to socialize, snarklily say, so you've decided to join us"?

Or when someone does something they've had trouble doing, say "Why can't you do that all the time"? (Happened to me, all too often.)

Or any sentence containing the word "finally".

If someone makes a step, a small step, in a direction you want to encourage, encourage it. Don't complain about how it's not enough. Don't bring up previous stuff. Encourage it.

Because I swear to fucking God there is nothing more soul-killing, more motivation-crushing, than struggling to succeed and finding that success and failure are both punished.

****

Here's my comment: So, why do people do this?

Two theories: One is that they're still angry about the past lack of accomplishment. The other theory is that they just want to claw at the person.

This entry was posted at https://nancylebov.dreamwidth.org/1097166.html. Comments are welcome here or there. comment count unavailable comments so far on that entry.
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