nancylebov (nancylebov) wrote,
nancylebov
nancylebov

More about teasing

reposted from Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/nancy.lebovitz/posts/10221519403996940


(There are good comments there, some talking about friendly teasing, some pointing out longterm pain from unfriendly teasing. Another post turned up that sometimes anti-bullying policies work and sometimes they don't.)

I'm going to tell a little more truth than usual. When I was a kid, I was teased a fair amount, and a lot of it was about my height. I was in my 30s or later before I calmed down relatively speaking on the subject.
Teasing isn't harmless fun, no matter what excuses people who like teasing make.

The situation is confused by the advice people who get teased are given. "Just ignore them" may be impossible, and in any case, it took me quite a while to realize the injustice of expecting the person being teased to have unusual psychological control while the person who teases them can be as incontinent as they please.

I've gotten the impression that when people who like teasing are asked to stop, they react as though their air is threatened.

I've been told a lot of times about friendly teasing relationships, though I can't say I've heard it from both/all sides of the relationship.

I grant that it can be hard to tell when teasing in unwelcome since people are told to just ignore it and there's always the risk of being teased more (it's good for you, it will toughen you up, and besides, people feel like doing it) if you say you don't like it. I suggest that if a person doesn't tease you back, they might not be liking it.

This didn't apply when I was a kid, but I've seen "insults everyone" as a way of taking edge off of particular insults. I'm not convinced anyone manages that, and why would it be a good thing if they did?
Not to make this about Dave Chappell, but if he doesn't insult cis people for being cis, he isn't insulting everyone. (I'm not sure what the insult would be. Maybe lack of imagination?)

Part of it may be that people (on a lot of issues) don't see how their behavior adds up, especially when it's not just them doing it. This entry was posted at https://nancylebov.dreamwidth.org/1113238.html. Comments are welcome here or there. comment count unavailable comments so far on that entry.
Tags: teasing
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